I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
