He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
