The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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