I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
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She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
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That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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