I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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