Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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