I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
