i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
