Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
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You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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