if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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