feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
