There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
