If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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