i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
