Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
