I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
