I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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