So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
