Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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