There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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