TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize