Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
