I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
