Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
