Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
How external is "for external use only"?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
