im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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