he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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