someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
