I could make wine with my vomit
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
