just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
