Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
