Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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