If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize