I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
