im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you never un-have a 4some
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize