I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
