I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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