His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
