I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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