member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
