next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
