How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
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Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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