Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
