doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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