I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
it's like heaven, but drunker
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
