i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have fence marks all over my body
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
