I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
