dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
