Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
