True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
