so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Randomize
