Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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