yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
